The Art of Balance, Living As An Urban Hippie...

Trying to find a balance between the intense vibes of the City, and the constant desire to flee it all and run away to the Forest, is a tricky thing. My Soul craves nature, trees, and a quiet retreat from the hustle and bustle of L.A., but day to day responsibilities prevent that. I continually find myself in a push and pull between what my Soul wants, and what my logical self needs. Some days I feel a strong desire to pack it all in, load as much stuff as I can fit in my Jeep, including my dog, and hit the road, heading as far North as I can get. But, as soon as that thought pops into my head, I'm met with the harsh reality that I have to make money, pay bills, and try and continue to build some "Grown-Up" life for myself. Which, I have to add is not currently going so well. As property values continue to soar in the city, and the rental crisis is progressing at a rapid speed, finding a place to settle down is becoming a serious problem. I'm currently in limbo, with my things in storage, trying to figure out my next move. So, the dreamy idea of becoming a Nomad seems pretty great these days. No mortgage payment, no constant work hustle, no fear of ending up in a sketchy neighborhood, paying a wild amount of money to be there. These are serious pluses for this new lifestyle I dream of adopting. But, the minuses are, an even more intense work hustle, no set place to live, no creature comforts, and no stake to claim in accomplishing those Grown Up Goals that continue to allude me. Although I have never been "Normal", in any sense of the word, I've always craved a sense of normalcy. I want the child, husband, and home, just as much as the next unmarried, childless 38 year old woman. And, I've spent most of my adult life in a push and pull dance, desperately trying to achieve these things. Things that seem effortless for others to attain. I do realize the grass is always greener, but boy how I wish I had that lawn to lay on. I also know that each setback has been another opportunity for growth and expansion.

As I get older, and continue to grow and expand, I'm thankful for the many lessons I've been given, and the many opportunities to strengthen myself. Yet, all of these lessons, and experiences have led me to this crossroads I find myself in. To quote The Clash, "Should I Stay, or Should I Go?" As a Spiritually in tune Lady, I'm constantly asking for signs, answers , and some semblance of guidance, all of which seem cloudy and vague, at best. On the days the wanderlust sets in, I've been able to escape into Urban Retreats for hikes, or moments of reflection. And, that satiates the longing for a bit, although it eventually creeps back in. Like a bad rash you just can't shake. So, I continue to hustle, and chase up every hopeful lead for work, in an attempt to build up business. If I had my way, my Healing business and Essence line would become so successful, that I could run them from anywhere, even the tree house I envision myself in. But, until that day, I remain stuck in this reality, longing for another. Working as hard as I can, to achieve that internal Peace, no matter where I end up. Because, in the end, that's really what it's all about. To find Peace and Happiness, no matter what shaky turbulence surrounds you. No matter what goals seem unattainable, and distant. No matter how far it all may seem. Once you're happy with the "Who" of yourself, the "What" won't really factor in... I'll keep you posted as I work on being happy with that "Who" part. It's definitely closer now than it's ever been. So, I guess some of these lessons are finally paying off. I think we are all finally learning these lessons. Some of us just took longer than others. As always, sending much Love and Light to You ALL...