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Some Days I'm Trapped in a Dark Place... My Own Mind...

Some days are better than others when you are a person who struggles with Depression. I've never been technically diagnosed, but since it tends to run in my family, and as I have been told by many people throughout my life, I probably also have Bi-Polar Disorder. So, these High High's and Low Low's make for a real roller coaster of emotions in daily life. And, seeing as I'm not one for Big Pharm, or drugging in general, I haven't ever gone to those lengths. I have spent my life thus far, balancing my moods through Holistic measures, Spiritual Modalities, and Creative Outlets. And, all in all, this combination has worked. But, some days, like today, the Deep Blues creep in and overtake me, causing a self destructive ripple effect, that often carries over to those closest to me. And, that is the part I regret the most. I know that everyone just wants me to be happy, and good, no matter what. But, when I go down that rabbit hole, my shadow self pulls them down with me. I really wish I could prevent that part from happening. The part in which my depression is not a victim-less crime. The part that makes anyone who loves me, guilty by association. Although, I will say that during the 4 years I lived alone, I was able to keep my Highs and Lows mostly to myself, and mostly at bay. But, now that I'm in limbo, trying to figure out where I will ultimately reside, I am an open wound. Laid bare for everyone to see. And, that makes it all SO much worse. Nowhere to Run, and Nowhere to Hide... All of my insecurities, neurosis, and disorders are on display, with no filter... Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have a soft place to land, with an amazing support system to help get me back on my feet. But, the feelings of helplessness, weakness and defeat are at an all time high in my life right now. Which, only fuels this dark flame... I continue to do the real, difficult work though. I continue to unearth all that needs to be released. The Daddy issues, the self hate issues, and the feelings and fears of failure. And, I am definitely tackling those head on, and most of the time I am winning. So, I write this as a sign of hope to anyone struggling through a similar situation. You will get through this! It may not always be easy, and most certainly will not be fun. But, you WILL push past this. And, on the other side will be your lesson, your strength, and your true Enlightenment. Because, it is only in the darkest of times that we will be able to reveal the brightest of lights. Just know that you have ALL you need inside, to get you through whatever you are working through. And, if you ever need an extra push, or a simple word of encouragement, I am just a message away. If you are struggling with Blue Moods today, I am sending you extra Love and Light.. We gotta be there for one another, because we are ALL in this together...

#mentalhealth #depression #lightoverdarkness #lightthroughdarkness #thereishope #onedayatatime

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